I don't understand the whole deal with legally changing your first name. To me, it is kind of a kick in the pants to your parents who named you in the first place. Unless your parents named you Wolfgang or Nipple; there really shouldn't be any reason to rename yourself..........
.........Unless you go through a rough time in your life and then you find God. Then maybe you could have a real reason to change your name. Take Steve Kreuscher in Illinois. He is an artist who has gone through a lot of rough times in his life. Woe is him. So what does Steve do to repay the lord for his love and support? He legally changes his name to "In God We Trust". In God- first name We Trust- last name. Seriously, click here to read the article. In God cannot wait to sign all of his artwork from now on with his new name. He is really proud of that new name!
I actually think it may pose a potential problem. I can almost see a kind of Abbot and Costello "Who's on First?" happening with him. And that can't be fun.......
"How are you, In God?"
"I am not In God; I am with God."
"No, I know you are with God. But isn't your new name In God?"
"Well it technically isn't IN God. No one can actually be in God. It is more with God"
"Right... I understand that. God! You are not getting my point"
"Please don't call me God as a nickname. My name is In God!"
"You just said your name wasn't In God though. I AM CONFUSED"
You get the point......... I give him a year, tops, and he'll be changing his name back to Steve. Otherwise it may get too confusing. And why pick such a long name? Why couldn't he just call himself Jesus Kreuscher, Steve God Kreuscher or Steve Christ? Actually Christ Kreuscher has a nice ring to it and I can't see anyone getting confused with that name. Plus it is similar to Chris and that's not a bad name.
Anyway, whatever name I like, it doesn't matter. In God already made the change and he's sharing his art with the public. Life is good!
I cannot believe how badly I have neglected this blog this week. I didn't even tell anyone I was taking a hiatus from my brain this week. No WTF?! Wednesday, no update on my stinkin' test, nothing! It is going to be like this for probably about another week or so because this weekend is going to be busy and then next week is finals. But I will *try* to blog and read blogs this week... pinkie swear.
So I FINALLY got the results of my test tonight. I got a 96. I lost 4 points for some body mechanic errors I made but that was due to the wrong table height which caused me to hyperextend my wrists. I did well on everything else which is great! I finally know a full body Swedish massage and cannot wait until the final is over next week so I can start practicing on the public. Ready or not, here I rub! :-)
Well it is late and I have to get going to bed. I will be doing WTF?!? Wednesday this week so come back and see me then. Ta Ta for now!
Tonight in class my teacher told us she FORGOT to bring the test grades with her, so we have to wait until Wednesday now. What in the HELL?!
On an interesting note; I learned the proper term for your ass crack is "gluteal cleft". Try that term the next time you and your significant other are in bed. I am sure it'll go over well.
I do not know what grade I received on my massage exam from Monday. Last night my teacher told us she didn't have time to grade our tests from Monday so she'd have them for us this coming Monday. What in tarnation???? I can't wait that long to see how I did on a test! Sigh..... So for those of you who asked, that is your answer.
The good news is our massage tables finally came in! This is the package I received and it is so nice! Yes, this is what excites me these days. It doesn't take much, believe me. I cannot wait to finally do a real massage this weekend and not have to use my bed. I mean, seriously, why would I want to massage somebody in my bed?
One of the most important things that I had to consider when I picked out my wedding dress was that it held me in places that I needed to be held in. I didn't care how much it was going to cost; there were certain parts of my body that needed to be contained on my special day. And those certain parts that I talk about are the twins, the girls........ my boobs. I was, for the most part contained in the the tighest dress I have ever worn. I am glad I didn't have to sneeze because had I done so; I would've sliced and diced a major organ. Seriously. I think overall the girls were held in, in a fairly tasteful way. I did the best I could with what I had. See:
Last night I received an email from my bud Trish and I realized that I had nothing to worry about because, like the old saying goes, there is always someone out there worse off than you:
And, of course, in typical WTF?!? Wednesday fashion; I have thought up a few scenarios about the Bride of Boobenstein (BoB) of why she looks like she does:
BoB worked really late at her stripper job the night before and didn't have time to get ready so she threw on her veil and said, "Let's roll."
After gaining quite a bit of weight, BoB realized that if she spent money getting the dress let out, there wouldn't be any money left over for her favorite band to play at the reception.
She has daddy issues.
She has swollen milk ducts.
She didn't have time to pump that morning or judging by the size of them, that week.
After a wild bachelorette party the night before, her drunken tramp of a bridesmaid, Brenda, threw up on her dress and poor BoB was forced to go out in her slip.
BoB's dress was inspired by one of her all time favorite movies.
See, I can find the positive in any situation. Even BoB's nightmare of a wedding dress. I do hope that regardless of BoB's dress, she had a nice time at her wedding and no one was caught in the line of fire if the girls decided to break free.
I noticed last night that for over a month now I haven't been writing much about myself. Well not that, like, I am so fantabulous or anything and I must write about myself; I just don't want to be the girl who only gets blog visitors on Wednesday. I honestly have been too lazy to sit and write about anything else but crazy old people in their bras, crying babies scared by Carrot Top or women waxing their squirrel covers. Ya know, quality blogging.
Speaking of squirrel covers (and quality blogging), I just Googled that exact phrase and this is what I found. Hilarious. I like the first line, "Female humans, also known as women, first came into existence with genitalia that resembled a beaver. " And then there is the pictureas well. I am dying over here. Holy crap, did I just go off on a tangent. Anyway.....
I have my first actual massage exam on Monday and I am a little nervous. I am in the first level of massage which is Swedish massage. So far I have learned how to do a Swedish massage in the supine (laying on your back) position. My guinea pigs are Nicole and Nestor and they seem to be enjoying getting the front side of their bodies massaged. My only problem is that my school had a little bit of an issue with the massage table order so we haven't, after 7 weeks, gotten our tables to practice on. Basically I have to massage on a bed which is really inconvenient. I have to keep having the "client" move to one side and then the next. That isn't going to help with my exam on Monday! Luckily my teacher has been letting us get some extra practice time in, which really helps. She has been very complimentary of my body mechanics while massaging so I think I'll be okay on Monday. Wish me luck! Or you can always tell me to "rub a leg"-- kind of like break a leg in theater! Yeah, I know, really dumb joke.
Our house lease is up in three months and I am excited and stressed at the same time about moving. I am excited because Nestor and I will have our life and privacy back but stressed because I have no idea where the heck to move! Our big move will be next summer when I am finished with school. I say "big move" as in, out of New Jersey and to somewhere warm all year round. We are looking into somewhere south, not sure where yet; however, if any of you west coast people want to show me around town and convince me to move where you are, I am all ears. :-) Back to what I was saying about moving is; while I am in school and suffering through my last year working in corporate America, we have to find a place to live. Problem is, we live in the middle of nowhere. Actually we live in the expensive middle of nowhere. You can easily pay $1500 for a two bedroom apartment surrounded by farmland. I'll take "Um, hell no" for $1000, Alex. I went to a development yesterday that is across the highway from the building that I work in and spoke with the super in that development. That complex is a little cheaper then what I mentioned and I can literally run across the highway to work if I do so desire to risk my life.
I die everytime my mom says that when she and my father first got married in 1977 and then had me in 1978, their rent was $175 a month when they lived in Brooklyn. Can you EFFING imagine that? My electric bill is higher then that! These days, that same apartment is probably being rented by two soy latte drinking hipster dorks and they probably pay $2000 a month. While the rents in NYC, Brooklyn and the surrounding buroughs are super high, the rents in NJ are just as bad. And I won't get into the price of homes and taxes around here. Although, if Christina, Vicki or any other NJ/PA homeowners want to chime in, please do so. We'd love to hear from you!
Nestor and I saw Lars and the Real Girl the other night and we loved it. I definitely recommend it if anyone is in a movie rental mood. Ryan Gosling plays Lars who is a lonely, delusional man who buys one of those creepy Real Dolls and convinces himself and everyone around him that she is real. Who would've thought a story about an anatomically correct sex doll would be so poignant and entertaining? My favorite part is when Biannca, the doll, is sitting in church with Lars and everyone is looking at them. That is what I would do just to mess with church goers. If I had $7000 to blow, that is what I would totally do. Stacy and I would sing hymns every Sunday morning. It would be magical.
Before I depart and go study, I want to share with you two things have amused me today. Yes, more so then linking a sex doll website to my blog. I came across the top 10 searches that brought people to my site. They are pretty good, I have to say. All I can say to the people that searched and found me, welcome creepy night owls who look for porn. Okay, here goes (the bad grammer is not mine, that is what the person searched for):
1) Hump Day
2) Missing you massage
3) Howard the Duck penis
4) Iranian You Tube Hot
5) I say Nay Nay
6) Meredith Viera Hoop Earrings
7) Sucks the poopy
8) Nay Nay Mo'grosh
9) Nay Nay dat stupid
10) Vagina lightening
I don't really remember the last time I discussed Meredith Viera's hoop earrings or sucking poopy of any kind. But the internet works in mysterious ways! And last but certainly not least; has anyone seen that hysterical video of Mariah Carey throwing the first pitch some Japanese baseball game? Ha! I think a retarded circus bear with glaucoma could've thrown the ball better than that. OMG people, it is so funny. First of all, she prances onto the field wearing these slutty sneaker/stilletto heal-type shoes and she is accompanied by two giant cats. I really thought I was having an acid trip or something. So she throws the ball and it looks more like the way a three year old would try to get a booger off of his finger, not an actual "throw". She giggles after that like, "He he he I am Mariah Carey so it is okay if I look like the world's biggest tool." Then...... in a suspenseful and glorious ending, she gets whisked away by a body guard why she is still prancing and giggling. Ugh, she is such a moron. Check it out:
Why do people insist on taking their clothes off to protest? I think if you want to protest a worthy cause, you can do it clothed and it will be just as effective. Also, judging by that picture it would be easier on the eyes as well. Crikeys! Put those things away, will ya?! Now, I am not Miss Hottie or anything but you would never see me chillin' with the girls hangin' loose. I like the way that lady all the way on the right is holding onto her pocketbook for dear life. Ain't no one going to make her strip to her skivvies. That lady has the right idea.
And in other senior news........
Please tell me this picture is making you laugh right now and I am not the only mean horrible jerk person who tinkled a little from laughing. Okay, scratch that last part. But I really thought that picture was comical. Two seniors fencing while holding on to their walkers, ha! I picture this conversation:
Bernie: Take that Morty! That'll teach you to take the last of the peaches on the buffet line.
Morty: Lay off it Bernie! I'm going to knock your teeth out! Oh wait, they are already out!
There is a contest in Tokyo, Japan that is held every year called the Baby Cry Sumo contest. In crying sumo, the babies are held up by amateur sumo wrestlers in a ring and the baby who cries first is the winner. If both babies cry, then the one that cries loudest wins. It doesn't say what the babies win but after that kind of ordeal, it better be something good like a gift certificate for karoake or some free sushi. Poor little buggers...... Check it out:
Don't you think this is a little cruel? If I were a baby and one of those monsters were holding me, I would cry my eyes out too. Then I would be mad that my parents allowed this to happen. I'm a baby and I want to be happy, not sad. I thought parents wanted to keep their babies from crying. I would beg my parents not to put me in that contest but instead just give me a breast and some Backyardigans and I would be such a good little girl. I wouldn't ask for much, really. And I definitely wouldn't ask to win some dumb crying contest. Crying is for wimps!!! WTF?!
With this said, if the United States ever decided to have a baby crying contest of their own, I have thought of the perfect big scary monster to hold the baby until they cry.
